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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27348688">"Bak Bana oyle"- Look at me.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicityforeverqueen/pseuds/felicityforeverqueen'>felicityforeverqueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sen Çal Kapımı (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmates, True Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:28:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27348688</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicityforeverqueen/pseuds/felicityforeverqueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Look at me." Eda put her hands on his face, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "You are hiding something. Tell me Serkan, I can handle it." </p>
<p>A small ficlet, with my interpretation of what will happen in Episode 17.<br/>WARNING: "Hello darkness my old friend", if you are not into Angst, don't read it. </p>
<p>ENJOY!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Serkan Bolat/Eda Yildiz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>"Bak Bana oyle"- Look at me.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My interpretation of the office scene.<br/>I hope to be able to update next chapter before the episode airs on wednesday.<br/>Either way, I think we are in for a hell of an emotional ride with those two...<br/>Comments and feedbacks are welcomed, as this is my first fanfic in years!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>Yildiz Florist shop, 18:13</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Something was wrong. She felt it deep in her bones. The way he had been looking at her, with such an intensity earlier in the morning, told her that much. It gave her <em>chills</em>. He broke up with her two weeks ago, yes. He said it was because of work. IT MADE NO SENSE. <em>Neyse</em>. She didn’t believe him anymore.</p>
<p>But the way he looked at her this morning? It literally broke her. Something in his gaze told her something was very wrong with him. That much she knew.<br/>Shivering as she remembered his gaze this morning, Eda took a sip of her tea, trying to relax a bit. She had been sitting at the area in her aunt’s florist shop, turning the place into her office for the day. Unfortunately, she had been trying to work on the port project design for hours, with no success. Her mind kept drifting to the one man who drove her crazy with his behavior.</p>
<p>“You want to have me believe you are an insensitive robot, Serkan Bolat. But I know you are not. I just know it.”, she murmured to herself.</p>
<p>Her heart was hurting. Most of the time, she couldn’t breathe. Concentrating on work was hard, even away from him. He was constantly on her mind. He was carved in her heart… forever there. But this morning, something was different with Serkan. The way he had looked at her this morning? It choked her. She saw a glimpse of something very sad and broken in his eyes, it had scared her. She felt claustrophobic even just thinking about it. Eda had to excuse herself to Efe and asked to go home.</p>
<p>Eda sighed and wiped a single tear around the corner of her left eye. Taking in a deep breath, she put her computer away, gazing blankly at the now darkened screen.</p>
<p>Something was wrong. She knew it. For a brief second, she saw pain, hurt and sadness in Serkan's eyes, right before he got himself in control again… putting his robot mask on. But Eda knew better than this. Her instincts were not wrong. Something was wrong, very wrong with him. She wanted to shake him, she wanted to snap him out of it. She wanted to break this brick wall he had created between them. Yet, all she managed to do this morning was running away from him, avoiding confrontations because she feared it so much. She was afraid of not surviving yet another rejection from him.</p>
<p>
  <em>What if.. he is hiding some kind of disease?</em>
</p>
<p>Her heart skipped a beat, dread settling in the pit of her stomach at the mere thought of that possibility.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is he sick? Did he decide to hide a disease from me? Oh god... please no.</em>
</p>
<p>Eda’s mind was racing. This breakup did not make any sense. That much she knew now.<br/>The short lapse of time that passed since that dreadful night where he broke her heart to pieces, allowed her to see things a little bit more clearly. Something was up with Serkan. Serkan was not unsensitive, nor a robot like she claimed him to be.<br/>He was hiding something from her, she couldn’t stay without knowing the truth. She needed to get to the bottom of this. To find closure. To understand. To… maybe just maybe… save their relationship.</p>
<p>Strong of her new resolution, Eda stood up from her seat, almost mechanically. Looking at her phone, she figured that since it was still early evening, Serkan would still be at the office. Taking her car keys, her broken heart beating so fast in her chest, she decided to be strong and get answers, once and for all.</p>
<p>She would never acknowledge it out loud, but only Serkan could mend her heart and calm the storm of her soul. She hoped that he would.</p>
<p>~~~~~<br/><em><span class="u">ARTLIFE'S Office 18:30</span></em>:</p>
<p>His decision was made.<br/>It was useless to beat around the bush. This morning’s altercation with Eda had proven him that much. He had to do this. It was the only way for her to move on... and it was the only way he had to protect her and spare her from the painful truth.</p>
<p>His decision was made.<br/>It was the logical thing to do and realistically the only way he could think of to try and save himself the pain of being so close to Eda and yet so far at the same time. It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. His entire existence was a desert of pain.</p>
<p><em>Better me than her</em>. He thought to himself miserably.</p>
<p>The office was empty, he had let everyone leave early. He felt the acute need to be alone and even Engin’s presence was too much for him to handle at the moment.<br/>Clicking “send” on his last email to Leyla, Serkan closed his laptop and sat in silence rubbing his eyes tiredly.</p>
<p>He heard her footsteps before he saw her silhouette appear at the entrance of the darkened office, walking at a determined pace towards his office.</p>
<p>
  <em>bip! bip! bip!</em>
</p>
<p>Annoyed with his smart-watch, he quickly took it off his wrist. Trying to calm down his burning heart, he took deep breaths.</p>
<p>
  <em>In. Out. In. Out.</em>
</p>
<p>His heart felt like bursting out of his chest. He untied his tie hastily needing air.</p>
<p>Eda’s own heart with renewed force at the sight of him so disheveled and distraught.</p>
<p>“<em>Iyi misin?</em>”</p>
<p>She tried to meet his gaze but he pointedly avoided her.</p>
<p>“<em>Evet</em>, Eda. <em>Iyim</em>. Why wouldn’t I... What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Eda took a second before answering, suddenly realizing she had no idea how to approach the subject, she had not thought of what and how to say best what her heart ached to express.</p>
<p>“I came... I came to talk to you.”</p>
<p>Serkan clenched his teeth, reigning in his internal turmoil.</p>
<p>“<em>Efendim</em>, I am listening?” he said reluctantly.</p>
<p>“Serkan... You are not ok.” Eda exhaled. “And neither am I.” Her voice breaking in spite of herself.</p>
<p>Serkan stood up from his chair, his eyes still avoiding hers.<br/>He knew that if he did look at her, he wouldn’t be able to lie to her face and keep the charade. He knew that just looking at her beautiful eyes, would break him.</p>
<p>“I am fine, Eda. I am just tired and going home. You should too.”</p>
<p>He aligned his chair towards the table, and grabbed his keys, when Eda suddenly put her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. Serkan closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“<em>Bak bana</em>. Look at me”, she ordered, squeezing gently his face once.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to but he also did. He was shit scared to, but also needed to. His entire existence was a storm of conflicted feelings that rendered his life so miserable. Like a man drowning in the midst of a stormy sea, Eda was a far away and inaccessible lighthouse.<br/>He was doomed to drown in the pit of his endless ocean of misery. <em>Alone</em>.</p>
<p>He sighed, still not looking at her, stubbornly looking at the neck instead.</p>
<p>“Serkan.. I know you. There is something you are not telling me. <em>Lütfen... Rica ediyorum</em>. Talk to me.” She begged him. “Please…” Eda felt his chin chiver, his resolution melting slowly, seconds after seconds until finally - his burning eyes slowly went up to meet hers.</p>
<p>“Eda... I can’t.”, he whispered.</p>
<p>“Yes. Yes you can. Whatever it is... I can take it.” Eda closed the distance between them, feeling she was closer than ever to breaking this invisible wall between them.<br/>Her heart bled for him, for her, for them. She needed answers. She needed him to trust her and tell her the truth.</p>
<p>“Eda…” Serkan closed his eyes, his voice trembling. “Eda.. stop…”</p>
<p>“Stop pushing me away, Serkan.” She blinked her tears away.</p>
<p>Clutching him as the two of them shook violently, she felt the interior war he was warring, fighting against his heart, just as hard as she fought against his reason…</p>
<p>“Whatever it is, we’ll face this together. I can take it, Serkan.”</p>
<p><em>No… you can’t…</em> He thought, defeated.</p>
<p>His eyes met hers again. His beautiful, green eyes were glassy with tears threatening to escape. She saw in them, all his love for her. She saw his pain. She felt his sorrow. She hurt as much as he did, his pain reflecting itself on her soul at the deepest levels.</p>
<p>His jaw trembled again. The sadness was consuming every millimeter of his being. Serkan put his hands on top of hers, gently squeezing them. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, as if trying to remember the way her hands felt on his face.. and slowly,  detached her hands from his face, putting them down. His hands refused to leave hers and he was not strong enough to break the physical contact.</p>
<p>“<em>Ben gidiyorum</em>, Eda. I am leaving for London.”</p>
<p>This sentence felt like a slap on her face. Stunned, her eyes wide in shock, she replied “<em>Ne</em>?” Her voice losing all timber, she stammered: “What.. Why.. when?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow.”</p>
<p>She saw the invisible wall rising itself in his eyes… and at that moment she knew she had lost the fight.</p>
<p>“When are you coming back?”, closing her eyes, shutting them hard as to avoid seeing the reality that was knocking on her door. She already knew the deafening answer.</p>
<p>“I am not. I am opening an office there.”, Serkan replied in a short voice.</p>
<p>She nodded slowly... Blankly staring at him. Biting on her trembling lips, Eda quivered.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is over Eda… He doesn’t love you anymore. He has long given up on you.</em>
</p>
<p>“<em>Tamam</em>.” She tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry.</p>
<p>She felt nauseous.</p>
<p>She felt like she was dying inside.</p>
<p>Eda took a step back, broke the physical contact of their hands still linked together.</p>
<p>“This is a goodbye then.”</p>
<p>Serkan watched her take some steps back, each step burning his damaged soul to ashes. Clenching his jaw so hard it hurt, he answered: “I wish you well... and lots of success, Eda Yildiz.”</p>
<p>Eda tried to wipe her tears with the back of her hands but just like fighting for Serkan, fighting against the flow of her tears was another battle lost in advance.</p>
<p>“I wish you to be happy... and that someday you’ll find someone worth fighting for. <em>Elveda</em>, Serkan Bolat.”</p>
<p>Before he could answer, turned on her heels and quickly left the room.<br/>Serkan once again watched her leave his life, this time knowing it was truly the last time. Feeling lightheaded, Serkan leaned on the table for support. He couldn’t breathe. The image of Eda crying and breaking in front of him, her despair reflecting his own, was replaying in his head, until he finally broke and let the dark storm drown him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~<br/>End of chapter 1.</p>
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